How To Transform Unhealthy Anger Into Loving Connection
There are three ways to get in trouble with anger.
You avoid it, explode or stuff it.
Stuffing it creates a legacy of resentment, and exploding hurts the ones you love. Not great choices.
Recognizing what unhealthy anger looks like is the start of growth. You need know what isn't working before you can change it.
Before we start, a gentle warning. Please don't read this and go into shame. Unhealthy anger is much more common than healthy anger. If you are reading this you are willing to try something different. That takes courage!
As you read this, think of where you learned them. Most of us who struggle with expressing anger didn't have great role models.
5 Forms of Unhealthy Anger
- Blame others by focusing on their behavior.
- Yelling, name-calling, insults, and guilt trips.
- Destroying things and violating someone else's personal space.
- Punishing or avoiding conflict with the silent treatment.
- Condescending tone makes others feel less than.
Healthy anger can transform relationships because it creates an opportunity to express what's bothering you in a way that helps others listen.
You become more authentic in relationships because you can say ouch. Not saying you're hurt or angry is what builds resentments into silent wars.
5 Forms of Healthy Anger
Healthy anger is focused more on taking care of yourself and expressing frustration assertively without blame.
This is a game changer in relationships because when you can express yourself and be heard, resolving conflict gets much easier!
These tips are about what you can change, not getting someone else to change. That's a trap that keeps you stuck in control! Healthy anger is about controlling yourself!
Here they are!
- Focus on self and be accountable for your behavior.
- Use I statements as "I feel angry when you were late."
- Respect personal space in order to feel safe.
- Admit when you're upset even if you are not ready to talk.
- Healthy anger sounds firm and assertive not scary.
Healthy anger takes practice. It's not a linear process. Use it as a guide to sharpen your intuition. Your anger is always trying to tell you something!
If you want the next five tips for unhealthy and healthy anger click below.