Can Parenting After Divore Be Amicable?
How do you parent together after a divorce? Often, the relationship between former spouses is filled with resentment and past hurt. So...if you have kids together what do you do?
How to start
It starts with being willing to make small changes in your behavior. Focusing on what the other person "should be doing" is a losing battle because you can't make them change.
By changing yourself you move towards a solution because you are the solution! If you think the ex is the problem, we stay in the problem.
It only takes one person to shift the dynamics in a relationship. When we change our own behavior, the relationship often improves. Try it.
If you change YOUR part, you can set a different tone. Think about it...how do you treat your ex - like a friend or foe?
Tips for improving your relationship after divorce
- Stop fighting about the marriage, the marriage is over right?
- Be light and polite. It goes a long way.
- Accept each other's limitations. It will save your sanity.
- Avoid rehashing old arguments. Focus on today.
- Ask for their opinion about the kids. It shows respect.
- When you talk, focus on one thing at a time. No dumping.
- Be flexible when asked for a favor. Kindness creates more of the same.
- Never use your children to pass messages between you. Commit to talking directly no matter what.
When you stop focusing on your ex, you'll be less frustrated. You'll have more energy to take care of yourself and your kids. It's the first step towards creating an amicable divorce.