BuildIng Self-Esteem: 5 Common Questions Answered

Self-esteem isn’t as easy task.

It’s tempting to base our worth on external things like work, relationship status or financial success but those things don’t last. Building healthy self-esteem is an internal process that starts in childhood and continues throughout adulthood.

Here are 5 common questions about self-esteem and how to improve it.

1. Why is self-esteem so important?

When a person struggles with low self-esteem, it impacts everything from our ability to pick healthy partners, setting boundaries, asking for promotions at work, standing up for yourself, even parenting our kids.

2. What is healthy self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the ability to accept and value ourselves mistakes and all.

There are three components to building healthy self-esteem, and although they’re all equally important, they’re also a continuous process. When it comes to personal growth, focus on progress made rather than seeking perfection.

The tasks of self-esteem include:

• Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually

• The ability to love and accept yourself mistakes and all

• Being able to feel the love others have for you

3. Why do some people have a healthy self-esteem and others struggle?

Childhood plays a huge role in the development of self-esteem with our caregivers providing the roadmap. Caregivers who don’t value themselves often pass those same beliefs onto their children.

Those who grew up with parents who were addicted, unhappy, or had mental health issues didn’t get consistent validation for who they were. In fact, many parents were taught to downplay a child’s value for fear that their child would grow up to be arrogant.

Some childhood experiences that impact self-esteem include:

With consistent criticism or ridicule, a child can’t feel a sense of healthy pride in their accomplishments.

When birthdays or accomplishments aren’t celebrated - a child doesn’t learn that it’s okay to be special. As adults they tend to avoid attention because it’s too painful.

When a child’s feelings and experiences are denied, they learn to not to trust themselves.

Being different or “outside of the box” in any way can trigger low self-esteem.

Being abused or neglected teaches the child that they don’t matter

4. What does it take to develop healthy self-esteem?

Self-esteem is an inside job that takes courage. Facing why you don’t like yourself can require a deep dive into the past and identifying areas where you may need to forgive yourself.

Simple Ways to Increase Self-esteem:

• Ask others for feedback if you have trouble seeing your gifts.

• Treat yourself like someone you really admire.

• Do esteem-able acts that make you feel good about yourself.

• Identify and change any negative self-talk.

• Forgive yourself for the past and make any necessary amends.

• Challenge old beliefs that are no longer serving you.

• Embrace compliments you have received as a way to love yourself.

5. What do I need to focus on to improving self-esteem?

These principles will guide you through the process of improving self-esteem over time.

Powerlessness - It may sound counterintuitive but admitting powerlessness is the first step towards a solution. As children we are powerless over much of our experience. Self-esteem gets damaged by abuse, criticism and neglect. Facing that childhood pain is an intricate part of self-esteem work.

Honesty - In order to feel good about yourself you have to face what’s in the way. Acknowledging past mistakes, past experiences will show you where you need to heal so that you can forgive yourself and move on.

Humility - Healthy self-esteem isn’t being better than other people. Humility is knowing that we are no better or worse than anyone else. We can love ourselves without having to constantly prove our worth. Mistakes are accepted as part of life, not a vehicle for punishing ourselves.

Acceptance - We cannot feel good about ourselves unless we can accept ourselves mistakes and all. Like a parent to a child - giving yourself unconditional acceptance is a life long process. Embracing who you are creates a healthy sense of self.

Final Thoughts

Self-esteem takes a willingness to practice being kind to yourself. Finding things to like about yourself can go a long way to helping you heal. It’s hard to be happy when you don’t like yourself - so why not start now?

Get my ebook 4 Steps to Building Confidence plus lots of free worksheets and videos!