The Secrets of Unhealthy Anger
Anger makes people nervous.
You never know what's going to happen. There could be screaming, hitting, throwing things, or mean, sarcastic comments that really hurt.
Anything goes with anger and that's why it's so scary.
Anger impacts the core of you because when someone cannot contain their anger, you don't feel safe.
Signs of unhealthy anger are everywhere. It's at work, in politics, even at home. Just walking down the street you see someone losing it.
This blog shows you eight ways to spot unhealthy anger because without that healthy anger isn't possible!
Unhealthy anger is the norm
There are few examples of healthy anger. It's sad that most people can't name three people that do handle anger well. That's why I'm writing this. Recognizing the cost of unhealthy anger is what helps transform it.
1. Stuffing anger causes resentment
If you think holding it in is better than expressing it, please rethink that! Unexpressed anger leads to resentments the pile up over time. Studies have shown that stuffing anger leads to increased stress and is a major contributor in getting sick.
2. Exploding anger destroys trust
With this type of anger you never know what's coming and you live in fear. There are usually warning signs when a conversation starts to feel unsafe. Intense blaming, getting defensive and criticizing are common signs.
Don't try to fix it or calm them down. If there are kids, get out as quietly as you can. Have an extra set of keys handy. It's more important to be safe than to be right.
4. Screaming or any sign of physical anger
When anger gets physical, it provokes intense fear or the need to retaliate. It becomes a battle of wills and "fighting for what you deserve." This is NOT a good plan. Don't poke the bear. Your life may depend on it.
If you're afraid for your safety, create a safety plan that includes a packed bag, extra keys, and a place to stay if you're feeling unsafe. For more information call The National Hotline for Domestic Violence.
5. The silent treatment
Giving someone the silent treatment is a way to punish without having to directly confront. This destroys any chance of resolution. Tension lingers because you would rather punish than admit fault. Keeping your pride keeps you alone.
6. Using time-outs
Leaving for hours is not the same as taking a planned time-out. Trust gets broken when you leave without a word. That makes practicing an effective time-out difficult. To read more on effective time-outs read Managing Anger With Time-out.
7. Blame is like setting fire to the conversation
People get defensive and emotions escalate fast when you start to blame. You play "who gets the last word" but that usually doesn't end well. It becomes a back and forth of hurtful comments that prevent resolution. To avoid that read my blog on One Word That Hurts Relationships.
8. Ignoring early warning signs
Ignoring the early signs of stress is the number one factor that contributes to losing control. Paying attention to how you feel throughout the day - not just once in awhile -keeps this in check.
Anger pushes you to your absolute limit. There are no courses in school on how to manage anger but if you think it's time to look at your anger, I have something for you.
Check out my FREE email course on catching & taming anger! When you change your reactions, you change your relationships! Click below to sign up!