How to Let Go of Someone You Love When You're Not Ready

What can you do when know you should leave your relationship but you just can’t let go emotionally?

Not being able to let go of someone you love is a very painful place to be. In this blog you will learn helpful, healing strategies for when you’re not ready to let go of someone you love and end the relationship.

When you can’t let go of someone you love, be kind.

In other words, be gentle with yourself.

Letting go of a relationship is a painstaking process that can’t be rushed. Most people try to avoid as long as humanly possible. The fear and negative assumptions can eat you alive.

You are probably no different, right?

When trying to let go of someone you love, you can’t should yourself into doing it. Instead, strive to have compassion for yourself because no one voluntarily lets go without a struggle.

When family and friends tell you to leave, take it with a grain of salt. They aren’t living it, you are! Give yourself a break. It’s okay to let go at your own pace, even if that takes several months or even years.

Sometimes, it’s too painful to let go and that’s okay too.

Practicing self-compassion will go a long way towards healing rather than beating yourself up. You are doing the best you can. Why not put down the bat and give self-compassion a try?

It’s not a race you can fail because it’s your own personal journey.

When you can’t let go of someone you love, have realistic expectations.

Letting go doesn’t happen quickly or easily. You may think that you’re doing it wrong - but you’re not.

Success means that you keep trying, not in the end result of letting go. Believe it or not, it’s common to make several attempts before finally being able to let go and leave a relationship.

That doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human!

Eventually there comes a time when you hit a wall emotionally. That’s the moment when you know you’re ready to finally leave. Unfortunately, no one can control when this will happen. And you can’t make it happen, trust me, I’ve tried.

Let whatever happens be part of the path because it is!

When you can’t let go of someone you love, separate their energy from yours.

A powerful strategy for letting go is to separate your energy from theirs. Sit quietly and imagine a line between your energy and theirs. At first, you may resist this, but keep trying! This will start the process of separating emotionally from the person that you love.

Creating emotional separation is the first step in your healing.

Start by imagining them in the other room, or outside of the house. Once that feels doable, move them further and further away from you. Imagine the person in another city or state. This will help to decrease the obsessive thoughts and redirect you back to your own energy.

But you really love them…that’s okay.

Send them kind, loving thoughts as you wish them well. Pour the love you still have for them in prayer. As you move them further away from you, your confidence in being separated from them will start to grow.

This is not a quick process so get plenty of support.

Joining a support group like Al-Anon can provide much needed connection and hope. Building a life of connections without them takes time but it will ease the pain and isolation.

When you can’t let go of someone you love, find a new focus.

When trying to let go of someone you love, it helps to have a new focus.

Start a project or a hobby - something to get your mind off the relationship. This will get the focus off of the relationship and onto something that’s more productive. Worrying about it all day long only serves to make you feel more anxious and sad.

When trying to let go of someone you love, you realize you can’t.

When leaving the relationship is too scary, give yourself permission to stay. Usually, this fear traces back to childhood trauma which makes being alone is too intense to handle on your own.

You may feel panicked at the thought of being without them.

Consider getting some individual or group counseling. No one should have to endure that kind of pain alone.

Build up your support system. This is CRITICAL because no one leaves their relationship when they are isolated. You need loving friends who will support your choices and not judge you. If you decide to stay, that support can be a lifesaver.

When you can’t let go of someone you love, practice detachment.

Learning how to practice loving detachment can help when the relationship becomes too difficult for you. Detachment means creating some emotional distance whenever you need it. You do not have to put up with abuse but you shouldn’t participate in it either.

When the relationship isn’t working for you, find ways to detach in the moment. For instance, leave the room to avoid a nasty argument. Don’t try to fix or change what’s outside of your control.

When the connection is strained, bring back the simple pleasantries like saying hello, goodbye, thank you etc. Acknowledge what they do that you can still appreciate. Watch your communication instead of focusing on theirs.

Final thoughts on letting go of someone you love.

The only way out is through the pain. With these strategies and the right support, you can find peace. If you can’t stomach leaving the relationship, consistent self-care and nonjudgmental support are keys to coping. One day at a time, you are healing, no matter what choice you make.

Click here to read more on the 10 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love.